Oral Sex Diseases

(Jennifer - Detroit)

My new boyfriend wants to have oral sex, but honestly... I am petrified of contracting any kind of oral sex diseases. I know they say that using condoms reduces the risk, but in my opinion that is just not good enough. I'm sure my guy thinks I'm paranoid, but I just don't want to put my future at risk. I like him a lot and if our relationship leads to a commitment that is more permanent, then my opinion may be different, but for now I want him to understand what the risks are and why I prefer to play it safe. Can you help?

You have good reason to be fearful given the prevalence of oral sex diseases. And based on your personal beliefs, this may be a situation where you have to draw your line in the sand. If you’re currently uncomfortable with the idea of oral sex, you need to communicate this to him and explain why you feel the way you do. But approach it as a positive, rather than a negative. There are many, many ways you can give sexual pleasure to each other. Discuss other options (introducing sex toys into your relationship, watching or reading erotic materials, finding new positions and/or locations for your lovemaking). Present the option of oral sex as something you can work towards down the road. The idea of anticipating it will make it even more exciting as you progress in your relationship.

If you don’t feel you’re getting to the stage where oral sex is a possibility, the ultimate way to allay your fears is to have both of you tested and cleared by a physician. One or both of you may be uncomfortable with this idea, but we encourage you to talk it through when the time comes to see if you can agree that this would be a positive, trusting step for you to take together so both of your needs can be met.